If you and your partner are both on the same page about swinging, that’s great! But it’s important to talk about the specifics of your plan.
For example, do you want to play with other people? If so, how much contact do you want? What kind of toys do you both like?
1. Know Your Limitations
Many gay people struggle with boredom in the bedroom, and swinging can be a great way to spice things up. However, it’s important to know your limits and communicate them to your partner. For example, if you’re only interested in one-on-one experiences with your partner, you might not want to hook up with other people at a party.
It’s also important to discuss the level of risk you’re comfortable taking in your sexual play, Brito says. For example, you might decide that you’ll only ever use barrier protection methods and never engage in unprotected sex. If you’re not sure where your boundaries lie, you may find it helpful to talk to a sex therapist who specializes in consensual nonmonogamy.
If you’re uncomfortable with a situation or find yourself in a position you don’t like, it’s best to exit the scene politely and quietly. You can even agree beforehand to a code word that you can use in case of an emergency. This will ensure you can get out of the situation without making a scene or putting your partner on the spot.
2. Know Your Partner’s Limitations
If you’re in a relationship, it’s important to discuss the rules of your swinging agreement with your partner and set clear boundaries. You may want to talk about things like whether you’re both ok with group sex, or whether you’re open to swapping partners with other couples.
It’s also a good idea to talk about your kinks and what level of risk you’re comfortable taking when it comes to sexual play. If you want to try out feet sex, for example, it’s best that your partner is familiar with the experience and knows what they’re getting themselves into.
Similarly, you might be interested in exploring more advanced sex options, such as oral sex or penis-in-vagina sex. However, your partner may feel differently and prefer to stick with more traditional sex. This is a valid feeling and you should respect it. Having a code word that you can use to signal that you’re uncomfortable at the moment can help ease these kinds of conversations.
3. Know Yourself
As a gay sex swing partner, it’s important to know yourself. This means knowing what your limits are – whether it’s physical, emotional, or sexual.
You may also want to consider a sex-positive therapist, who can help you understand your sexual preferences and your relationship with your partner. And it’s also a good idea to have a clear discussion with your partner about what you both expect from the experience of threesome sex so that there are no surprises.
Some guys realize they’re gay after a relationship with a man, or after a particularly intense or satisfying experience in the bedroom with another guy. In this case, they may still have a hard time admitting it to their girlfriends.
One way to tell if your guy is gay is to listen to the way he talks about women. Does he compliment their bodies, faces, asses, or breasts? If so, he’s probably gay. Or, he may be a bisexual who likes both men and women.
4. Know Your Partner’s Goals
Whether or not your partner wants to try a different type of sexual pleasure — or even another gender — can change the entire mood and experience of a swing night. That’s why it’s important to know your partner’s goals.
For example, if your partner is a virgin and you want to experiment with penis penetration, it’s important to communicate what that feels like for your partner. Having a conversation like this early on can help avoid any miscommunication in the future.
A sex therapist can also help you explore your interest in swinging with your partner to make sure it’s something you’re both ready for and able to commit to.
For many gay couples, swinging isn’t just about sex. It’s about enhancing their relationship, trying new things, and having fun together. Using stimulating adult toys — from cuffs to dildos and more — is one way that you can do just that.
5. Know Your Partner’s Boundaries
It’s important to discuss your partner’s boundaries before you start swinging together. This can be a difficult conversation to have, even for couples who are open and accepting of non-monogamy. It’s also important to decide on a code word that you can use in case you get uncomfortable or want to end the encounter quickly. This will help you maintain healthy and clear communication and prevent you from ending the experience on a bad note or becoming a victim of sexual assault or harassment.
Using stimulating sex toys is an excellent way to get your partner in the mood and keep things exciting. From cuffs to blindfolds and dildos, there are many options that can make your partner feel tingly and excited as well as satisfied. Remember to stop whatever you’re doing once one of the other partners leaves the room, for any reason, and be sure to clean up your swing before leaving it. This will prevent odors from lingering and it will keep the environment hygienic. It’s also good to have a few different experiences and explore new kinks to avoid getting into a “sex party lull.” If you’re attending sex parties every weekend, try taking a break from them and exploring one-on-one experiences for a bit.